thedailywhat:

Animated GIF of the Day: My small heart just grew three sizes.

[9gag.]

i was the grinch before i saw this.

juliasegal:

gorgonkatyushka

i think i just died.

cuteness overload.

juliasegal:

myeviltwin:(via didriksen)

thedailywhat:

1. Homosexuality is not natural, much like eyeglasses, polyester, and birth control.

2. Heterosexual marriages are valid because they produce children. Infertile couples and old people can’t legally get married because the world needs more children.

3. Obviously, gay parents will raise gay children, since straight parents only raise straight children.

4. Straight marriage will be less meaningful if gay marriage is allowed, since Britney Spears’ 55-hour just-for-fun marriage was meaningful.

5. Heterosexual marriage has been around a long time and hasn’t changed at all; women are property, blacks can’t marry whites, and divorce is illegal.

6. Gay marriage should be decided by people, not the courts, because the majority-elected legislatures, not courts, have historically protected the rights of the minorities.

7. Gay marriage is not supported by religion. In a theocracy like ours, the values of one religion are imposed on the entire country. That’s why we have only one religion in America.

8. Gay marriage will encourage people to be gay, in the same way that hanging around tall people will make you tall.

9. Legalizing gay marriage will open the door to all kinds of crazy behavior. People may even wish to marry their pets because a dog has legal standing and can sign a marriage contract.

10. Children can never succeed without a male and a female role model at home. That’s why single parents are forbidden to raise children.

11. Gay marriage will change the foundation of society. Heterosexual marriage has been around for a long time, and we could never adapt to new social norms because we haven’t adapted to things like cars or longer life-spans.

12. Civil unions, providing most of the same benefits as marriage with a different name are better, because a “separate but equal” institution is always constitutional. Separate schools for African-Americans worked just as well as separate marriages for gays and lesbians will.

[reddit.]

PREACH

The King of Carrot Flowers Pt. 1-Neutral Milk Hotel

i hate when someone asks you what your all-time favourite song is. i usually give a long-winded answer in which i explain why that is an INANE question. but if that person pulled out a gun, and then held it to my head, i would pick this song.

thedailywhat:

Lost: Spoiler alert.

[randompictures.]

i’ve never watched lost. do you think i could just watch the final season and get it?

juliasegal:

rillawafers:nevver:Happy Groundhog Day

juliasegal:

This is how I feel when Tumblr doesn’t ask me to do their Tumblr based live show in NYC…and doesn’t put me in the “Comedian” Section of their directory…Tumblr if you keep treating me bad, I’m gonna leave you.

but i bet they invited joey, and all he does is make woodchuck noises.

for shame, tumblr.

i have seen my future, and there’s a lot of baa-ing.

thedailywhat:

Brent Engstrom: “Certifiable Calvin”

Garbage Pail Kids illustrator Engstrom applies his unique style to Bill Watterson’s timeless comic-strip characters.

[mbc.]

Related: Plain Dealer scores first Bill Watterson interview in 20 years.